Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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