i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
