you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
