I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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