did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
