Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
