don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
