Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
