1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
