Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
