dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize