Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
