Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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