i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
