I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
