you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
