how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
operation have a gay friend backfired
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
