Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
look no pants
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
