sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
