saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
ok first of all what the fuck
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
