The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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