his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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