is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
