Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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