can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
