you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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