i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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