I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
