She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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