ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
