I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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