What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
