That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
