I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
