Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have feelings that need drinking.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
