I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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