trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
