I wanna bring you to show and tell
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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