How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
