i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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