I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
