I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
