So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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