Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
