i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
