Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
