I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
