now i know why i became what i already was.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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