Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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