I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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