ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
