I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
