You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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