all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
