I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
