I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize