Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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