im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
