i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
