I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
