Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
