bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
