Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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