I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
