Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
