is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
