I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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