so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
