oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
