Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
