So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
