I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
