Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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