I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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