I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
