headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
