So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
wanna go halves on a baby?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
