you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
