Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
