dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
