I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
