Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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