Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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