The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
