We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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