I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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