there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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