I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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