btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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