Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Blame the bisexuality and move on?