i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
