And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.